When I flew back home to Georgia last year, I started to have an anxiety and a deep depression and by that time I had to go back to my Med-school and was on my 3rd course.
I know myself so good and I’m aware – When I have a lot of pressure on me, or if I don’t like something – I always oversleep. It’s a sign of a deep depression. As average, in a normal way, I need 9 or 10 hours of sleep to feel good, which is a lot for some people, I know, but by that time I was sleeping 16 hours or sometimes more. My life in a nutshell – if you guys know what that means, It was literally like that. I was waking up, going to the Uni, coming back and was sleeping 16 hours straight.
My hypersomnia and additional depression were literally killing me, while I was already stressed enough from my Medical Studies and was experiencing the worst life ever. Seemed like I was trapped in a dark and looking for light switch.
I knew it could happen, because when I went back to home from the United States, it felt like I was completely new person. I used to love my studies, I loved Medicine so much, wanted to become a doctor-gynecologist and was always trying my best, to be able to had a good grades and was really working hard to achieve my goals. But something changed. I was forcing myself. Was studying just because I was supposed to, because I always were that ‘nice girl’ to my parents and even for my lecturers at the Uni and everyone was expecting me to do so. I kept doing all the things I was doing before, but was not enjoying or liked what I was doing.
I remember, I couldn’t control my hypersomnia and a little time, when I was up, I was directly going to open my textbooks to study and sometimes it was 5 in the morning, sometimes earlier just before the University & was trying to remember everything I was reading the whole morning. It was not easy.
I lost that tremendous motivation, I had before and it was the first sign, when I started hating medicine. So much. even though, I was studying 3 years, and was always a good student, I knew clearly – I did not want to continue my studies in Medicine, I found it boring and nauseating, so it became a lot hard for me, like, I can’t even explain how much pain I was going through and had no ability say that out loud.
When I first said that I was depressed, and had no motivation at all, my family, my parents, instead of having my back in the moments of my hardship or even insanity, whatever it was, – became crazy angry at me and was blaming the United States for changing my attitude towards everything,
Yeah, they were right somehow, it changed me. I’ve seen another life and did not want to continue my medical career, with all those creepy, crazy lecturer-doctors around. I was attending almost every lecture and knew perfectly, that even the lecturers who were trying to teach us something, were so crazy, because of multiple reasons. for example, because of economical crisis, they are not getting paid enough, have no money and a lot of problems. Georgia is nor easy guys. I knew, they studied so hard, just like I was doing and they achieved, became a doctor and what they got for that? – nothing literally. Boring life, no money and problems, stupidly high competition because of couple of extra Laris, they can earn. So they were so angry and irritated because of their poor life – condition and ended up acting like crazy bitches.
I was literally looking at them and knew I definitely did not want a life like them. I did not want to continue putting up all those problems I had in my family and at the University, anymore. So I decided to move to the United States, all alone. Wanted to become independent, strong woman who can support herself without anyone. So I did it.